Say I Love You
by Seiberwing
Summary: Alpha Q muses over the loss of his Scorponok, and wonders what good his planets are without him. Hints of slash.


Author's Note: I chose to use the Superlink version of events here because the Energon version really wouldn't work as well for this fic. For those of you who haven't seen Superlink:

Mega Zarak is Scorponok.

Roadbuster is Ironhide

Nightscream is Starscream

Galvatron is Megatron

Cybertrons are Autobot

Destrons are Decepticons

Oh, and Pivot: Would be honored if you put my fic up for the CPS.Just make sure to give me the link or something when the site gets up.

* * *

"_Who are you?"_

"_Say, 'I love you.'"_

**- **Special Dream Match, Interlude

**Say "I Love You" **

On my home planet, I was honored as someone sacred. There was a huge palace carved for me out of the Sand Cliffs, with huge peaked ceilings and towering spires. It was so beautiful; you don't notice such things until they're gone.

There was one room, my favorite, where the light filtered through the colored glass and the patterns on the floor changed as the sun moved. I used to sit there on long afternoons and just watch the clouds outside turn different colors behind the windows.

They used to bring me gifts, offerings. Sometimes statues or little shiny things, sometimes things that I didn't even know what they were. I wasn't worshipped, no, but I was special somehow. I was the only one, the only Alpha-Q.

I use the singular here because it is simpler. In my own language, the pronouns are different, to define my unique state of being.

It is difficult to explain me/us. I am Thought, Excitement, War, Judgment, and my secret fifth face, which is all my faces at once. Together, we are one individual, showing different parts of my/ourself at different times.

I did enjoy being special, really. Sometimes I wished I had only one face and could transform like the Terrorcons did, but such moments were rare. I was happy, for the most part. I had my palace, my Terrorcons servants. And I had my Mega Zarak.

There's a word that they don't have on Earth or Cybertron for what Mega Zarak was to me. "Caretaker" comes closest. He was in charge of watching over me, and he did his job well.

I looked up to Mega Zarak. I trusted him. I loved him.

Again, there's no word for it. Not romantically, not as if he was my parent. I didn't have parents. But love is close enough.

He loved me too. He never said it, of course, but I knew he loved me. One night there was a terrible sandstorm at my palace, and Mega Zarak had to go outside in it to fix something, I don't recall what. I remember thinking that he was so brave, for going out in the dark and the wind and the flying sand. Silly, maybe, I was younger then.

Afterwards, Mega Zarak said it was nothing. That it was only sand and couldn't hurt him. I still thought it was brave, and told him so. He was always so strong, and I was always so weak. But it didn't matter. Mega Zarak was always there to take care of me, and I thought he'd be there forever.

Then Unicron came. We threw all our might against him, but our armies were destroyed. Nothing could stand against him and for the first time I discovered a peril that Mega Zarak could not protect me from. We were going to die, and there was nothing we could do about it except try to take Unicron down with us

I begged Mega Zarak not to destroy our planet, but he wouldn't listen. He went down and activated the detonator and blew our home up as Unicron consumed it. I think that's what destroyed his spark, being so close to the planetary detonator.

Unicron survived, though, and we were devoured. And Mega Zarak died.

Why I survived, I don't know. I awoke in darkness, and I'd never been so scared in my whole life. I called out for Mega Zarak, but he wasn't there. No one was. In the shadow bowels of Unicron, I was alone.

I have been in pain in my lifetime. Small scrapes and bumps, falling out of one of the towers in a high wind and breaking my arm. But nothing, no torture of the cruelest Destron, could hurt more then the loneliness I felt for that mental eternity. I started talking to myself to fill up the silence. It got to the point that I was so starved for companionship that my faces took on personalities of their own.

To focus on other things, I tested my barriers and found that I had some limited control over what I thought was merely my prison. Unicron had annihilated my universe, but now I realized that perhaps he could help bring it back. That which would destroy could, under the right circumstances, create.

So, I began to put the Terrorcons together again. It wasn't the same, though. They were mindless and had no sparks. Obedient, yes, but I was still alone. I couldn't bring myself to make a new Mega Zarak. He would be just a sparkless drone like the others and I didn't think I'd be able to stand that.

Then one day I found a wandering Destron spark. It was the happiest I'd been since before I knew Unicron. I rebuilt Mega Zarak's body carefully, down to the last perfect detail. Deadly pinching claws, powerful tail, crystalline green visor and the noble orange face beneath it. Just as he was before, my strong protector.

I put memories into his databanks, all my memories of what he had been before. That would make him my Mega Zarak again, I thought. Who cared what the spark within was; he would think and act like Mega Zarak and that was enough.

And it worked, it did work. For a time, I could pretend that he truly was my Mega Zarak reborn.

But then I had to send him out to fight. I had to rebuild my planets and to do that I needed him to gather energon. Mega Zarak was built to fight, and he was strong enough to keep himself safe.

I thought.

Galvatron ruined everything. He hurt my Mega Zarak so badly, sent him into the energon grid to draw me out, and I was helpless to save him. After that I tried to keep him near me as much as possible. I somehow thought I could protect him, the way he protected me.

But he was still Mega Zarak, or, at least, like him. Mega Zarak would never stand idly by and put his own safety before his duty. He went out, and fought for me, and Galvatron took him like he took Nightscream.

Poor Nightscream. I didn't know his spark, but he was loyal enough, and useful. I was a bit sad when Galvatron reprogrammed him. He didn't mean anything, though, he was just a tool. Not like my Mega Zarak.

Mega Zarak didn't know me anymore after Galvatron got through with him. He fought against me despite my pleas. I tried so hard to bring him back, but nothing worked. Not even showing him our home again stirred his memory. He destroyed it without thinking, as if it held no more importance then an empty shack.

That Roadbuster tried hard too, more than I could. I don't know why, but he respected Mega Zarak. Did he love him? He couldn't have, not like I do.

Yes, I admit, I was a bit jealous of the Cybertron. He could go out and fight and prove himself to Mega Zarak. What could I do? Nothing. I had Mega Zarak from the very beginning, Roadbuster earned him.

But now neither of us has him. He only loves Galvatron now, that horrible, horrible Galvatron. And I don't know if he'll ever return to me. I miss him, and it's so much worse now because I see him almost every day and I have to watch him ruin my planets and take my energon.

They want him to die, those Cybertrons. They fight him, and hurt him, and I know there is no other way but it doesn't make it any easier to watch. And _I_ have to hurt him. I, the one who cares about Mega Zarak more then anyone else must hurt him.

I like to think he would have wanted it that way. The true Mega Zarak was willing to lay down his life for our planets. He would have wanted me to be strong. But…why? Why does it have to be this way?

Sometimes I think it might have been better if I had never brought him back at all. Was it worth it, that short moment of happiness? I don't know.

What I want most of all is to go home, to my palace in the Sand Cliffs and the Terrorcons, the real Terrorcons. I want to be with my Mega-chan again and for everything to be like it was before. But I can't.

My palace doesn't exist anymore.

My Terrorcons are mindless machines.

My Mega Zarak…is my enemy.

* * *

"We have to bring him back."

"But what if we can't?"

"If we can't?"

"If we can't bring our Mega-Zarak back?"

The Cybertrons must defeat Galvatron and to do that they may have to destroy my precious Mega Zarak. My Mega Zarak. Remember me and return to me, my Mega Zarak.

I love you.

Come back to me.


End file.
